Gratitude for Adoption

I think it’s a beautiful coincidence that National Adoption Month is during November, traditionally a month set aside to focus on the many things we have to be thankful for.  Of course, the  word “eucharist” means thanksgiving and we have so much to be thankful for each and every day, not just in the month of November.  Being thankful truly is so central to our faith.  I’m always grateful for the opportunity to write about adoption and the impact it’s had on my life.

I really can’t start to write about being thankful for adoption without immediately thinking of my children’s birthmothers (or first mothers, as some prefer).  Five, unique and different women, living in different countries, different situations, yet all faced with a similar “problem”.  Five women who made the courageous choice to say yes to life and forever have part of their heart beating in another person, another person that they don’t have the opportunity to interact with on a regular basis.  

I don’t know the circumstances of how many of our children were conceived.  It’s possible that it wasn’t under the most pleasant of circumstances.  I’m so thankful that these women selflessly put that aside to make a choice for life.  To give these precious children a chance to grow up in a  stable, loving family, instead of stopping their tiny hearts from beating.

I’m thankful for the individuals who cared for our children until we were able to be united with them.  The hospital workers, the orphanage staff, foster families.  I’m thankful for all of the staff that worked behind the scenes to make our adoption a reality.  Our social workers, adoption agency directors and staff, and yes even the not always so pleasant government workers.  All of the myriad of people who came together so these particular six children could grow up in this particular home.  How can anyone doubt that God has his hand on every piece of paperwork? his ear on every phone call? adoption isn’t something a mere mortal could orchestrate.

I’m thankful for a husband and extended family that have said yes to adoption.  Friends, that have welcomed our children without missing a beat.

Most of all I’m thankful for a loving God who has given us the opportunity and the honor of raising these children.  Thankful that He has entrusted us with the awesome responsibility to love and cherish these six unique individuals.

Jen is a wife to one amazing husband and mom to six energetic kids.  Visit Forever, For Always, No Matter What where she blogs about their Catholic faith, homeschooling and adoption.  Visit her blog this month where she blogs all about adoption to raise awareness for National Adoption Month.

Adoption and Letting Go

One of my very favorite quotes from John Paul II is a quote on adoption.

“To adopt a child is a great work of love.  When it is done, much is given, but much is also received.  It is a true exchange of gifts.”

He was absolutely right, much is received.  We are often told that our children are lucky, but we always respond that we are the ones who are blessed through the gift of adoption.  

Why is it then that so many people are hesitant to adopt?  It often seems to be something that’s nice for other people to do.  I have to admit that I often have a hard time reading about couples who are trying all sorts of medical avenues (within the confines of the church) to conceive, while there are so many children in the US and around the world who are in desperate need of a family.  My heart is burdened for these children.  

I know adoption is difficult.  I know there are many earthly obstacles and children don’t simply fall into our laps because we will them to do so.  Finances, paperwork, and preconceived notions, pack a big punch.  What if these earthly obstacles are excuses that we have put up to protect ourselves?  We put so much energy into trying to conceive that it can become our job, our identity.  What if we put that energy into providing a loving home for a child that God has already put on this earth?  

No, I don’t think the earth is over-populated and no I don’t think women should stop seeking medical intervention to help overcome infertility.  I’m only saying that God commands us to look after the orphans and the widows.  Maybe for some of us that involves welcoming a child into our home as an adoptive parent.

This is where the letting go comes into play.  Adoption is letting go.  Letting go of our fears, anxieties, and our desire for control.  Letting go of the “what if’s”.  We need to let go of the thoughts that we have somehow failed, our bodies have failed, or we have done something wrong to miss this blessing of biological children.  Every bit of suffering is meant to draw us closer to Christ.  We need not be so focused on the perceived missed blessing of not conceiving a child, that we neglect the blessing that God is trying to give us.

We have to let go of how we have envisioned our family and embrace the family that God has called us to have.  That means different things to different people.  Maybe for some it means that they will never have children.  For others it means letting go of the dream of having a large family, or maybe it means parenting children of a different race. 

When we are open to God’s plan it doesn’t confine us or box us in, quite the contrary, it frees us to truly be the persons God created us to be.  Maybe in striving so hard for a biological child we are missing the blessing God has in store for us, the blessing of simply being parents.

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope”  Jeremiah 29:11

Jen blogs about faith, home education, and adoption at Forever, For Always, No Matter What

Our Adoption Story

Our story begins like so many others.  We met, fell in love, married.  Then we assumed we would start a family and live happily ever after.  It was the starting a family part that proved to be a bump in the road.  

After struggling with infertility, our thoughts turned to adoption.  One day as I was pleading for Mary’s intercession to “fix” our problem, I realized that I had stopped praying to be pregnant, but started praying to be a mom.  

Soon after I was reading our local paper I came across a small ad for an adoption seminar to be held in our area.  My husband and I had not discussed adoption at all at that point, but for some reason my attention was like a laser to that ad.  I tentatively asked my husband if he was interested in attending.  I knew right away if we went to this meeting it was going to be something I wanted to pursue.  I didn’t want to go, be encouraged and excited, only to have him say that he wasn’t ready to pursue this avenue.  Thankfully, he was on board right from the get go.

For a variety of reasons we felt God was calling us to pursue the International Adoption route, specifically to Russia.   We went to that initial seminar in February of 2001, our son Jacob was home, finally making us a mom and dad, in September 2001.  While we were waiting for Jacob to join our family, as difficult as the waiting was, I felt a profound peace that Mary was holding him close until we could get there.

We started the Russian process again and Jonah followed in early 2004. Sarah joined our family from S. Korea in the summer of 2005 (her adoption took only four months!), and Leah, also from S. Korea, made us a family of six in 2006.  For a while we thought our family was complete.  We were busy raising four children five and under.  We enjoyed it, but we were busy!  Our family was complete for a while anyway.

We started feeling God tug on us again in March of 2009.  This time we adopted two children from an island in the Caribbean called St. Vincent and the Grenadines.  Anna was five years old and Levi was two, when they joined our family in December of 2009.

I know often the fear of adoption is that it is a second best choice to having a biological child.  Like any other family we have our ups and downs, our disappointments and successes.  But biology or not, we are a family.   

I’m sure it’s the Grace of God, but I have never wished I would have experienced pregnancy, I don’t wonder what my biological children might have looked like or how they might have behaved.  I truly know that the children God has placed in our home through adoption, are the children that we were always meant to have.  I’m so thankful that we let go of the vision we had for our family and embraced God’s plan for our family.

Parenting is tough.  Parenting adopted children can sometimes have an added layer of issues, however, even on the most challenging days we wouldn’t trade it for a moment.  

Once upon a time I thought I might never hear another person call me “mom”.  But, through the amazing gift of adoption, I have the profound pleasure of hearing that word from six amazing children.

Jen blogs about faith, family, home education and adoption at Forever, For Always, No Matter What

Photo Credit: Melanie Reyes Photography

Laura Christianson - National Adoption Month: Get Free Copies of 'The Adoption Network'

National Adoption Month: Get Free Copies of 'The Adoption Network' Laura Christianson - National Adoption Month: Get Free Copies of 'The Adoption Network'' To celebrate National Adoption Awareness month, I'm giving away my book, The Adoption Network, through November 30, 2010.